| because i feel like it |
[03 Jan 2006|12:34am] |
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mood |
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I Like:
brownies, new york, street fairs, necklaces, leather, perfume, the french language, pineapple, singing, bath salts, cookie cutters, lawns, peaches, markets, air conditioning, Rent, broadway, fondue, random acts of kindness, parks, graveyards, benches, facebook.
I Do Not Like:
tourists, dark chocolate, airplanes, attention-needy people, hangnails, plain applesauce, fake gold, laundry, dust, scary movies, emo, the color black, clip on lamps, smudged ink, orthodontist, the west wing, spiders, myspace.
i dont know what compelled me to do that. i like lists i guess.
birthday soon. chapel after that. hurrah
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| 2010 |
[16 Dec 2005|10:16pm] |
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IM GOING TO COLLEGE. craziness
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[10 Nov 2005|09:40pm] |
im frustrated that almost no one can understand how utterly miserable i am right now because literally the two things that i can most about in my entire life right now are fucked up due to some retarded dana hall girl that pushed me during our game last week and fucked up my back. i feel like im letting everyone down in one respect or another; if i play on saturday, then im letting down the basketball team when i fuck up my back even more and cant play. if i dont play on saturday, im missing my last chance to play field hockey ever and im letting my team coach etc down. its a completely lose lose situation and all i want is to be able to go back and change things and make my back okay because i dont know what im going to do if i cant play sports.
it basically comes down to that. i have found my passion. it has taken me a herniated disc, but i the way that i feel right now can only be described as wretched and this is because i am being kept from doing the two things that i genuinely love and need. i need to play basketball and i need to finish this field hockey season for so many more reasons that just that i like to exercise or that im competetive. i live off teams, i thrive off of adrenaline and i honestly need to be able to play sports. not to mention that whole being scouted by colleges thing. thats probably royally fucked up. and im angry that people are being insensitive and think that im overreacting. if i like...chopped off your hand and told you that you couldn't do makeup for plays anymore, what would you do? you would throw a hissy fit and cry and whine and be upset and feel wretched too. just because you like art and not field hockey doesnt mean that im less intellectual than you. or that it doesnt hurt me just as much to not play sports as it hurts you to not work in a theatre. these two things are my passion and i know it now, i dont care if it sounds cliche, because honestly i am consumed by the fact that i am going to be benched for a long time. i dont know what to do with myself and im terrifyed of what the coming weeks are going to be like. dont judge me because im an athlete--i dont judge you because you work in a theatre. dont say that sports arent where its at because they are where its at for me, and its very insensitive for you to think that we're less intelligent than you because we are athlets. i am proud of that fact and im sick of being around pretentious people that think art is the only way to go. its called balance and its called tolerance and its called doing what makes you happy, and sports make me happy. and having a hurt back makes me extremely unhappy. thats the way it is. i challenge you to take the next 4 to 6 weeks off from doing any theatre. yeah, i bet you couldnt.
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| i stole this from a thief |
[19 Aug 2005|10:02pm] |
Break out your cell phone contact list for this survey.
How many contacts do you have? 35. dont judge.
Do you have any contacts starting with "Q"? i wish.
What about starting with "X"? ,mmmm no sorry
How many of your contacts have you kissed? all of them. every single one. i actually have almost no boys in here, so zero.
Which of your contacts would you feel comfortable calling in the middle of the night if you missed them? EB, rosie, jenna, laura, leah, lily, marie, mel, rahie, kimmy
Do you include last names in the contact list, or just first names? first names, with the occasional first letter of last name if there are two of someone, example: laura and laura p.
What's one contact you'll probably never call? ummmm brian barth or katy browder
What's one contact you wish you could call, but you can't? i dont think that theres anyone i couldnt PHYSICALLY call...
Why can't you? not applicable!
Which contact lives farthest away from you? Laura P (though i dont like her so she doesnt count) so second is either melanie or katy
Where does he/she live? laura p is in seattle, mel is in atlanta and katy in montana
If you get a prank call, who on your contacts list is it most likely to be? laura drunk dialing
Who is missing from your contact list that should be on it? about 65 PCP people
How many contacts start with the letter "J"? 5...wow thats a lot
What's the most surprising contact on your list? brian barth because thats from like 112 years ago
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| home |
[30 Jul 2005|11:34pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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and scene.
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[26 Jul 2005|06:45pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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i am so ridiculously exhausted that ive fallen into the pattern of taking two naps a day, mostly between classes. however, now that classes are basically done, i will need to establish a new pattern for the next three days or so. three days...holy shit, its not fair.
i dont really know what to say about coming home. im actually at a loss for words...im excited for my bed, i guess. and my dog, and orientation.
this weekend i went to union square park and learned to dance from an argentinian man. we then picked up boys with our flip flops, quite literally. i witnessed black on black racism for the first time.
jesusssssssss
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| written for my english class |
[23 Jul 2005|12:40pm] |
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 good |
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My feelings regarding New York have always been a bit scattered and perhaps hypocritical. I’ve never liked the idea of cities, at least on a shallow level. Busy, crowded streets, overwhelming bright lights, pollution and bums were images that consistently flooded my mind at any mention of New York City; noise. In theory, I’ve always hated New York and the things that it often represents in movies and media. Quiet nights spent in an old wood cabin in Maine or tropical drinks and music on the beach of an island have always appealed to me more than any activity I could imagine doing in the city of smog and taxis. For this reason, my decision to spend this summer in New York City surprised not only my parents and friends, but myself as well.
My two older sisters have both lived in New York for varying periods of time, as has my father, and this is how the city crept into my sight. I saw the way that quickly, the city seeped into the veins of my siblings, and displayed itself in designer jeans, liberal beliefs, and fake IDs. To me, whenever one of my sisters came home to visit, I could immediately sense the change from our normal suburban life. My oldest sister, attending Columbia University, had a visual change: her long, frizzy hair was smoothed with a $200 haircut and a hair iron. Bloomingdales replaced the Gap and Abercrombie and Fitch. Chanel drove out cheap Claire’s sunglasses. All too quickly, I felt as my 8th grade self, fashionable New York had devoured Elizabeth.
The corruption of Catherine was less physical but just as powerful. She spent the last semester of her junior year in an intense program outside the city that was as much about finding New York in oneself as it was finding oneself in New York. She returned at the beginning of the summer looking the same, but with a mind so full of ideas and passions that sometimes she picked arguments just to show her new city knowledge. It is for these reasons that New York was my destination of choice for the summer; no matter that it was loud and dirty, I was ready for my turn.
When I first arrived in the city, I began looking for change in every building, every park, every person I met in the form or passed on the street. I became infatuated with the idea of release and difference. I wanted to return home after my five weeks and have the same physical and emotional changes we had all witnessed in my family: the influence of New York City.
Three days in the city and I was on the phone crying to my sister Catherine. “This isn’t what I expected,” I sobbed to her. Indeed, New York wasn’t what I expected. I felt surrounded by people who didn’t want to change, who had different priorities than I. I wanted to go out in this city that was going to move me, to experience everything that I possibly could so the city would work its magic on my waiting body. “I don’t think I’m going to like it here,” I told her, “it’s just too different. It’s not what I wanted.”
Having been here for nearly five weeks, this phone conversation remains a poignant fulcrum in my New York experience. Looking back now, I am surprised at how much I had already changed after only three days in New York, and even more surprised by how I was oblivious to the change that had already overtaken me. The words “This isn’t what I expected” are evident clues. While I was searching for an angel among the concrete to create a different me, my views on the city were changing. I wanted to go out in this place that I had previously deemed disgusting. I wanted to go to the hidden restaurants, the bars, the college campuses, the concerts, the theatre because on the outside, I wanted to see what impact these places would have on me as a person.
But on the inside, it is this very fact that was my earliest and perhaps most important change of all. Because though I didn’t recognize it then, I certainly do now; it is its power to change so fully that makes New York an amazing place, a place worth spending ones summer of even ones life. I still think New York City is dirty and polluted, but it is also glittering and pulsing and beautiful. While I was searching for a superficial change, this city found its way into my heart through every experience I’ve had and every new person I’ve met. I’ve learned that New York can never fail you; I’ve witnessed extreme amounts of change in everyone that’s spent time here. I’m not able to explain the ways in which I am a different person after having been here for five weeks, but I am hoping that when I go home, people in my suburban town will be able to see the change in me, the same changes that I saw in my sisters and that I now see in myself. I never want New York to flake off my skin; you have not let me down.
so that is that.
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[20 Jul 2005|11:36am] |
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mood |
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music |
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Aching to Pupate--Regina Spektor |
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bablahbablabhalbkahbabhablabalbahbalbabalbablabab
so much to say.
babhabablabahblabhalbbhabhblabhablabhalbaaaba
KEV-KEV <3 ALPAL 4EVER
oh em gee.
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| where the tequila flows like wah-turr |
[15 Jul 2005|05:15pm] |
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mood |
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quixotic |
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going to mama mexicos tonight for redhaired laura's birthday--should be a fab time, i do think. weekends here are too much fun to bear, but weeknights have also been amazing, re: running around the hall with 89 cent duane reade pantyhose on our heads. things dont get a whole lot better than that, i must say.
i cant believe that i only have two weeks left here. its basically surreal. for the first week things went by so slowly and now, i can barely keep up. i wait and wait for my classes to finish during the day, but counting down those precious hours is only bringing me closer to the end. im writing a memoir for my literature class about what new york means to me. what does new york mean to me
there has been high class drama going on here lately and its tiring, but im going to enjoy myself up until the end because none of the arguments are worth it. we're in fucking new york city, get over your petty differences.
jade left today. she had to go back to south africa for inexplicable reasons. it was sad because she said that we'll see each other someday, but i know thats not true. i hope at least we can keep in touch.
i have more pictures than i know what to do with. oh lord, i love making memories.
p.s. i had dry sex with an entire subway car last night. however, my body was pressed up against that of a hot and sweaty beautiful blonde man for a while, so that was a nice surprise.
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| mm |
[08 Jul 2005|08:58pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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i just had the best mojito in nueva york, as i was told from the waiter. he was fab and caribbean.
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| p.s. |
[07 Jul 2005|09:03pm] |
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i saw jordan bridges (mona lisa smile, drive me crazy, dawsons creeks, other varied teen made for tv movies/tv shows) in the subway the other day. he was with his daughter. i felt slightly intrusive, staring at this man while his three year old daughter was on his shoulders. but i mean, come now. hes a cutie, and hes lloyd bridges' grandson.
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| momma got cleavage |
[07 Jul 2005|08:40pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Cover This--Dispatch |
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ridiculously tired. i actually almost fell asleep in literature class today, i felt kind of bad. but not bad enough to actually pay attention. oh summer, what have you done to my work ethic?
i met a turkish boy today. i believe that hes younger than me, but he was tall and cute and invited me to visit his house in turkey. so, you know, i like him as of now.
today is my half birthday...crazy.
holy hell i have nothing to write about. well, i do. i have lots of things to write about, only im too tired to write about them. plus, most of my stories are better suited for in person or, at the very least, on the phone.
ive been spending so much money. today was the first day since ive been here that i havent gone to an ATM machine. and the night is still young, so i cant safely say that i wont spend money later. thats the beautiful yet bad part about having a late curfew. so much time to spend out, so much time to spend lots and lots of money. but whatevs.
im honestly afraid to ride the subway. it was already my fear to begin with, getting stuck in one form or another in the subway. now, after the terrorist attacks in london, that fear has not only multiplied but also become slightly more realistic. greaaaaaaaaat. that whole situation is pretty surreal to me at this point. i dont really even know what to write about it, besides it horrible.
people should call me from time to time. i like hearing from my friends. its a nice thing.
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[03 Jul 2005|12:47pm] |
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mood |
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good |
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music |
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With My Own Two Hands--Ben Harper |
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i honestly wish that i could write about everything thats been going on here, but i feel like its necessary to save some of the best stories for when i come home.
i have recently discovered that self-sufficiency is a tremendously amazing thing. i depend on myself and myself only and i love this fact. this city has brought out a confidence in myself im not sure ive ever felt before, and its an honest confidence. i hate when people claim to be outgoing and self confident but really on the inside theyre as insecure as everyone else, only they feel the need to draw attention to themselves. for a while--like maybe my whole life ish?--i was like this, and it gets tiring as hell. but for some reason here, i just feel good. about me, about other people, about where i am. perhaps i owe this to the immense amount of men here who feel the need to comment on girls boobs. but whatever.
ive been homesick on two very distinct occasions: tuesday night, and thursday night. tuesday was because i felt that i was connecting with anyone. thursday because i missed the comforts of home. being here is extremely tiring, emotionally and physically, and ive realized it takes a lot of stamina to make it through a week.
i locked myself in my room today because i had a shitload of homework to do (re: two papers due tuesday) and i intend on getting them both done by fourish, so we can head down to the laudromat. and holy fuck, new york is an expensive city. everyone says that but holy fuck. expensive.
friday night was one of the best nights ive had all year. pee-your-pants-laughter followed by a chinatown snatcher, magnolia cupcakes, a greek taxi driver called sophocles, black rice with chopticks, "IS THERE A PROBLEM?" chinese man, and the bitchiest chinese woman i could get my hands on. oh china town, how do i love thee? let me count the ways...
i certainly miss home, and at certain parts of certain days i miss home even more. but im creating stories that are all my own, and im hearing stories that are all not mine, and im honestly enjoying it. who knows how ill feel tomorrow, but this place is beginning to be fun as hell.
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| HOLLA |
[28 Jun 2005|07:04pm] |
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music |
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Fuck Her Gently--Tenacious D |
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helloooo
i havent update this bitch in a while, but im in new york now so it seems like a good time to do so. things have been going quite well i do think. its quite amazing being in the city. ive only been here three days and already im feeling some changes. its kind of hard being this independent, but its exciting at the same time. its been a very long time since ive had to be really outgoing and make friends, but im mostly enjoying it. its awfully tiring though, i will say that much.
anyway im not really doing anything today because im lame and tired and didnt sign up for any excursions or anything.
this experience is forcing me to be non-judgemental and to keep an open mind about everyone. and to have a lot of conviction. i do believe that everyone should have to go through one of these experiences, going into an environment knowing absolutley no one, and trying to end for his or herself. im only three days in but already i think its tres important. also, everyone should go out into the city at night with people you dont know very well. because after some time, youll feel like youll know them a lot better.
PEACE
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